


Trees

by Thiscouldbegayer



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 02:30:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13514838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thiscouldbegayer/pseuds/Thiscouldbegayer
Summary: Evan hates everything he's done and he hates the fact than noone ever notices him





	Trees

Evan was watching his sneakers move over the floor as he walked through the hall. He never had to look up. That’s one thing he liked about school, the fact that every single turn of the hallway was predictable. He’s perfected the walk from class to class, hoping to get away from everyone is the hallway as soon as possible. He clutched his books in one hand, wanting to not waste time putting his books in his backpack. He turned the last corner as he does every day when he suddenly felt himself hit the ground, softly wincing in pain

“Watch where you’re going, idiot”

That’s one thing he hated about school. Their hallways might be predictable, but the people in them sure enough weren’t. He forced a small smile as he tried his best to collect his books with one hand. Maybe he should have put them in his bag anyway, but it was too late to hate himself for that now. Not that time ever stopped him before. He shook his head when Jared tried helping him pick up, not trusting that his motives were anything but evil-minded. He frowned when he heard Jared let out a genuine sigh, but he didn’t react on it any further. He got up and tried to move past  
Jared, but he stopped him. 

“Hey, how did you break your arm anyhow?’

Evan shrugged awkwardly, not wanting to relive the memory and most certainly not wanting Jared to know. He looked down at the ground  
“I fell” is all he mumbled before quickly moving past Jared and walked into the classroom. He sighed and closed his eyes when he finally sat down. He hoped this lesson would be interesting enough to keep his mind from going back to the exchange he has with Jared, but he knew that would be too much to ask for. 

\---

‘One foot and then another’ is all he muttered to himself as he climbed the tree. His eyes were usually filled with tears, but they weren’t this time. He didn’t know whether he had accepted everything or he simply didn’t have any tears left. But none of that mattered anymore. He climbed the highest tree and sat on the last sturdy branch he saw. It was early in the morning. His mom already left for work, having left with a forced smile on her face. Evan always saw the tiredness and hurt in her eyes, but he never knew what to say. He wish he could tell her how he understood how she felt, but he didn’t know the right words to use. He never knew the right words.  
He groaned as he thought about everything that happened yesterday. He tried to watch his legs sway slowly high above the ground. He tried to look at the birds flying across the sky, eager to start another day. But nothing worked. His mind never listened to him. It kept replaying it. Replaying every single mistake. Replaying every single chuckle and every single movement. Replaying it over and over and over again. 

\--- 

“So tell me, how did you break your arm?” Jared smiled as he jumped up behind Evan after class. Evan shook his head. “I told you already, I fell” He heard his voice crack and he quickly moved his gaze to the ground. He felt his face flush a slight tint of red. Great. Jared chuckled. It sounded mean-spirited. “I got that. How did you fall”. Evan sighed. There was no way Jared would let him leave without telling him what he wanted to hear. He shrugged slightly, attempting to appear nonchalant about it all. He practically felt Jared roll his eyes. 

“I climbed a tree and fell” He started. “It was pretty funny actually” He looked at Jared and saw him smile. “How would that be funny?” Jared’s voice was softer than before. Something not noticeable to many, but it’s usually the first thing Evan notices. He forced a small smile as he continued. “Well I fell and when I-I was laying there I was hoping for someone to come get me” He let out an awkward chuckle. “But but nobody did” He chuckled again, with a hint of sadness in his voice. He looked up at Jared and frowned when he noticed Jared wasn’t smiling at him anymore. “What was the funny part?” he questioned, slightly annoyed. Evan smiled brightly, something he practiced over and over again in the mirror in order not to give away his sadness to strangers. “The funny part was the fact that nobody came. I waited and waited but no one ever came” He chuckled again and heard Jared do the same. 

“Jesus Christ, Evan” Jared muttered before looking at him with concern. Evan didn’t know what more to say so he quickly left. None of this mattered anyway 

\--- 

“Evan!” Jared’s scream abruptly saved Evan from reliving that conversation and many others again and again. He opened his eyes and noticed that he was no longer sitting on the branch. He looked down and noticed that he was further from the ground. This happened last time as well. He recalled thinking about conversations over and over again and deciding to stand up. He recalled taking one foot off the branch and saying goodbye. He said goodbye to no one and everyone at once. He remembered opening his eyes on the ground, cursing himself for still being alive. He looked around then, hoping someone saw him. But no one did. No one ever did.

“Evan what the fuck are you doing” Jared’s voice pulled him out of another memory. He looked at Jared and frowned. “I- what are you doing here?” He muttered. He saw Jared shrug. Of course, he couldn’t hear him. Evan sat back down and closed him eyes. He wondered what he should do now. He got lost in his own thoughts again. His eyes shot open when he felt a steady hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Jared. He noticed Jared’s face form a smile and forced one of his own. “Were you going to do what I think you were going to do?” Jared’s voice was soft. Evan noticed a hint of curiousness but worry in his voice and frowned. He felt tired. He looked down and nodded, wanting Jared to just accept it and leave.

“I came this time” Evan never heard Jared whisper before and it threw him off. “what?” Evan whispered back. He heard Jared sigh, which made Evan look up at him. “Last time you said nobody came” Jared’s voice had more confidence now. “So I did this time.”. Evan chuckled sadly, trying to bring himself to care. Jared continued speaking. “I care Evan, I really do”.

Evan shrugged. He’s heard people say it before. Heck, even his psychiatrist has said the exact same sentence before. But nobody meant it. You can’t care for someone you don’t know, and no one knew Evan. No one understood nor would anyone ever understand. “Evan..” He felt Jared’s hand on his and he looked up again. “Why are you here” Evan wanted to ask much more, but that was all he could bring himself to say.

Suddenly Jared’s lips were on his. They left as quickly as the appeared, causing Evan to whine softly. “Because I care” Jared whispered. Evan couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He looked at Jared, who, to Evan’s delight, was blushing slightly. It was the first time Evan actually believed the words. He just stared at Jared as his face flushed with a darker shade of red. Jared just looked back at him, probably wondering what Evan was thinking. Evan smiled after a while, finally processing what happened. A real, genuine smile rather than the fake one he had practiced so many times before. He softly squeezed Jared’s hand.

“Thank you” he whispered before Jared kissed him softly again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment or kudos if you've enjoyed and have a great day <3


End file.
